FB 5 : Straight from the heart ......3.........(.Friends n friendships, real or virtual??)

Just a few days ago, a young friend of mine asked me to write about how much people were getting addicted to "virtual friendships" then "real and personal" ones .........She seemed so concerned about losing out on the personal friendship touch, that our generation (her mom n dad's, the present day late forties or fiftties generation) seem to have had!!

Indeed, I thought....every word she expressed was so very true and unfortunately, we, the older generation too, are slowly and surely getting there, aren't we?

I remember the times when there were no mobile phones, no Internet , no Google, no, nothing at all........Reaching out to friends meant meeting and spending time with them personally(not virtually ), either for some sport in parks/gardens or rehearsing a dance/play, playing some indoor games or if nothing, just talking about anything and everything which made/dint make sense in those wonderful times..........catching up with each other was the main point of interest.........oh, those lovely lazy days with those lovely people, our dear friends!!  We did meet at School, but,  that meeting was not enough......we had to meet at each others places or in the park or playgrounds or just anywhere, but meeting each other, was a must...........and given a thought, maybe, it was really because there was no other way to connect..........meeting your best friend  after two whole days of holiday(week-end)  was unheard of! In case it was a "no, not today" from parents, we made excuses of borrowing/lending study books(and this excuse , generally, worked at all times) and went over to friends to just spend some time with them!!! Those lovely days together, talking for hours in the street, or the park, laughing endlessly about nothing, just running along to be with your friends when they needed you the most, sometimes , group-studying or helping a friend in her studies, getting to know her circle of family and near ones and connecting with them too, as your own, going to each other's places for all festivals, get togethers and any other occasions, so many many things shared or just "being there" for them..........oh, even as I pen down, I know I am still only able to do only a little on paper than what I have actually experienced with my friends of young times!!!!
But wait, cos all of that was with PERSONAL MEETINGS , not virtual or through social networks............:)
Those memories will , however, remain with me, for a lifetime.....

The  young ones of today do catch up on each other on an everyday basis but how!!!!!!!

One young school boy , I overheard, telling his friend when asked, "arey where were u yesterday?, I called you but you did not reply" to which the boy answered"dint you see my facebook status?I said I was not available for the next two days as I am going out of town!!" .........FB status? now what was that? A young school going boy will inform his friend who shares his school desk everyday, that he is going out of town, via FB?? What is it all coming to? The other day I met another young boy , who , when asked, if he played any sport, answered, yes, I am the expert in play-station/video games...........Most kids spend hours on FB/other social networking sites, when all they should be doing as students, is fulfilling their academic obligations or dedicating themselves to physical sports, music, spending quality time with friends for common interesting activities........what really concerns me is also the HEALTH aspect of these individuals......when they should be out playing vigourously for building up their physical stamina or strength, they are busy idling away on FB/other social networking sites doing nothing of value for their ownselves!!!From my very own experience I have realised that the stamina building actvity needs to be started from very young ages.......yes, we can attain all of that later too, but with a hell of a lot of effort , both physical as well as monetary, which is so much easy when done young!!! and , of course, the  factual realisation that  the emotional fulfilment and joy that comes out of personally meeting and spending time with friends, which  can never be substituted any any vitual friends on social networking sites and therefore may only be a waste of  one's valuable time!!

I sincerely appeal to all my College-going/working young friends on FB to please arrange your time schedules to meet with your dear friends personally, if only for sometime........The meetings need not be heavy lunches or dinners or expensive affairs, they can just be for sharing even some small silly happenings over a coffee, to involve in some sport or interesting activity or to just exchange a polite "hello"......For the School-going ones, I suggest you take out time for each other for just about anything..........

I want to feel like old times once again,  with housing societies/streets/playgounds/parks  sounding off with noisy, playful children;  children here, children there and children  everywhere !! and for you the mid-younger ones to make and have true friends and not end up like the joke I am concluding this with...........

A man dies............His funeral is arranged by a family member. It so happens that  the turn-out  is only about ten odd  heads................An onlooking outsider asks a senior family member of the deceased, "why have you arranged for a thousand chairs, when the turnout is so poor?" ..........."Because, answers the family member, he had two-thousand facebook friends......"........:):)

Straight from the heart .....2.........(Family time)

Recently, we planned a family weekend visit to Matheran...........my family meaning hubby and my only son, who is now a grown-up working man!! I was very excited as we had not done this for  a very  long time......prep for the trip were on in full swing........Sid, my son, who soemtimes works even week-ends these days, was especially asked to inform his office that he would be taking an off  this once, also the same was asked of my husband....Thus, we were ready, all set to travel.

Incidentally, just a couple of days before that we were visiting our friends. In the conversation, this week-end travel topic came up and  my hubby's friend just came up with this question, "what, Sid still travels on vacation with you both?'....he probably meant to ask,  how come Sid accepted going out for a vacation with his parents and not friends or something like that and that's where the idea of sharing "the why" with all of you came to me......

Life, to a large extent takes the course of associations with the past, both pleasant as well as unpleasant.........mostly, the pleasant memories are cherished, replayed by the mind and we wish that we can sometimes do those things, all over again..........I guess , in our case, weekend outings, as family,  are one of them!!!

In our childhood, as far as I remember, family outings were very rare occasions and usually meant going out with family only  for weddings , funerals, thread -ceremonies, other religious festivities and rarely for mere relaxation or sight-seeing or any other enjoyment...........infact, the only such outings during those times were were school picnics/excursions or going out of town for sports/dance/drama inter-school/college competitions and usually accompanied by the team colleagues and managers......there was hardly any time for sightseeing etc..... an outing for just visiting a place to actually see it was "once in a way" kind of an event.

And then, we were always in awe of our parents even during a trip, always mindful of our Ps and Qs, could never behave with the freedom or the closeness of a friend , that, my son shares with me, today!!

So when Sid was hardly 2 years old, we three began our family trips to Panchgani, Mulshi, kashid, murud-janjira, or wherever, to all those nearby places  we could then afford   in terms of our time and money.........Twice in a year, it was GOA (and Sid still makes it to Goa with us every year!!!!) I loved these trips as they gave us all so much time to spend with each other, thrash out stuff,  laugh out together as much as we could, enjoy sport together, thus building our sweet memories for a lifetime.......Never realise how time flew by, but , in this process, we as family have bound in such a way, that, even today, a grown-up son loves to do this vacation with us........Not that he does not go out with his friends, rather, I would say, he is out for 12 hours of everyday with his colleagues/music buddies/ old school and college friends , but he has never denied us our special time together........

Looking back, I now think, that probably, if we as children had done this often with parents too, I would have probably been looking forward to doing these small outings with them, all the time, even as an adult!!!

Yes, we did speak to parents about everything , they were are guides in the true sense, but today, we not only play that role but also the role of "best buddies" with our children..............Today, my son confides more in me than I ever did with either parent and that too with so much ease!!! For me, to confide with this much freeness never ever came easy.....

Such is the "change" in time and lifestyle and so I guess,  our children , however grown-up they be or whatever they otherwise do, they would ALWAYS love to do that small vacation with their parents , their one-time and everytime "best buddies".......I have said it all now, haven't I??..........:)

My very own poetry-book......3................The Wisp.

The “wisp”

By Archana Sandeep Tambe

A sparkling twinkle, a charming face
A bright old  gown, covered in lace,
A battered  hat to adorn her crowning glory
A pearly grin that told her story

She spoke very little and always with a lisp,
But you could never ever miss, this sweet little wisp
Through poverty-stricken and sad old lanes
Houses  shattered and broken window panes
The wisp, she floated, her basket full of flowers,
Smiles and cheers she brought about
She  possessed Godly powers

For who could laugh  in such times
When the World War was to  the fore
Only cries and tears and gloom you heard
As you passed by any door!
  
But , the petite wisp , she sang merrily
And hung pretty  flowers on doors
Waved to every soul that passed
As she got on with her chores

Sad as they were, they always laughed
When the wisp sang her merry tune
Be it a lady or a man or an elder
Or be it the local prune

Not a morsel of food did she get sometimes
Or nothing to drink either
Dampened never her spirits this
Not close, not even hither

The village children flocked beside
The wisp to hear her tales,
Smiling always,  she did abide
With stories from the Wales


When darkness fell, and when alone,
Yes, that was when she cried
For her lost near and dear ones
For their country, who had best tried
Hungry, ill and tired, late she fell asleep

To wake up to another day, to take another leap!!!

Storytimes - Experience of a relation (topic -friend)

A learning experience!! - short story

Arun and Sahil were good friends…they had been so for a long long time now….much before either was married!! Sahil got to married to Anushka when he was barely 25 .. Sahil was living in Pune with his family where his work was….. Arun lived in another town, but work brought him to Pune… After another ten years or so, Arun got married to Sanaya….In the meantime, Sahil was already “Pa” with their only son Sankalp, being 8-9 yrs old.

Arun and Sanaya too began their married life and with Sahil and Anushka they became a fivesome , doing most things together…..…It was fun ……while the newly-weds  had just started on life together,  and were making the most of it, the other couple, already well ahead in the game now,  had to cope with their joint family, their own work commitments and the most important commitment of them all, their child!! Inspite of it all, the friends always made time for and with each other and thus ran their lives....till their little one came along and it now became a sixsome!!!! The little guy brought much joy into their lives as he started growing up…….the older child had fun walking and talking him around on outdoors and the little one doted on him , too!!

Years rolled and there were no occasions in either homes without the other friend family being present on all of them…….so much so, that they believed to be the extended family of each other…....that did not mean though, that either of them did not have other close friends nor that they did not spend time with their other friend/commitments , but, yes, the time that they had been spending with each other , irrespective of whether it was a weekday or a weekend, whether it was early evening or late night , whether those working from amongst them, had heavy work commitments the next day or anything at all….they were always together and that is what had made the bond so special……. Infact, the couple with the older child even came to be called as “everready” by the other couple since they always kept aside their issues and made time for the other couple!! And thus built a strong friendship bond amongst them…….

......Or so one thought……until one day………when a turn of events (and I call this an “experience of a lifetime” for the purpose of readers), changed that to “NeverReady”…….cos an unexpected event took place, which killed that sweet something between them …..and it was never the same again…..

Arun and Sahil shared their birthday month too………...so it was not unusual for the couples  to celebrate their birthday event jointly, most times…It was not as if it was an everytime affair but it was there………..so, at those other times, when they were to be no celebrations too,  the two friends went to each others homes on those special days even without being invited….Surprisingly, apart from their family members, there used to be none of the other so-called friends during those times…….maybe , either, because those friends were too busy with their own lives or maybe they had their very own other set of close friends then??.........Anyways, so it went with the Arun-Sahil team for many many years until the “experience” happened!!!

Arun, being the older of the two barely by a year, had a milestone birthday approaching soon! Sanaya was keen on celebrating the birthday together and so she kept mentioning it to Anushka and Anushka was okay with the idea too…….However, life on its  everchanging mode was at work and new things were happening in either friend’s lives......…..Sahil was involved in a new project and was preoccupied with its inception, Anushka did not have  fair weather at her workplace either…….Arun was busy too and  so was Sanaya, training in a new project…..With all of the four being busy in their own commitments, the birthday topic was completely washed away………..so much so, that Anushka even forgot to wish Arun or remind Sahil (the always forgetful) , to wish Arun on his birthday !!!

Maybe this was the reason for Sanaya to behave in a strange way in which she did (wonders Anushka, even today!!!!) . She intentionally (and intentionally I say because it was an “all friends” celebration, there were no family members involved and till that day, Anushka and family, believed to be one of their “best friends” too…) did not invite  Anushka and family (whom she told the “whole world” was her “extended family”..........a joke, shall I say??) for a “milestone birthday” she celebrated and that too, only with the,suddenly very close friends from her workside(whom, she told Anushka later, had asked her to drop them)??? Or was there another reason?? Funnily, the next day she called up Anushka and gave some lame excuses for not having invited them; said she had invited only two families and if they(Anushka’s family) had to be called it would be three people too many……………….three people too many???? .........

Now, that came as a real shock!!!!!!! The fact that she had not invited did not seem to matter so much to Anushka  as much as this disclosure…………….Since when had Sahil’s family become three people too many for Sanaya?? Someone, with whom you had spent so many beautiful moments/hours/days,years, who you expected to be ever present when you wanted their company, who never forgot to invite you with their own siblings , when they actually could have done without you, (as they were never necessarily invited  with the Sanaya family siblings around!!!),who were always there for you and you for them, and whatever suddenly happened that made them three people too many?? All because Sanaya came across some others, living in the same town for years, she occasionally met, now suddenly closer because of work or whatever??  What happened to those days of  joint celebrations, forget that, of that so-called “extended family” that Sanaya herself used to go about calling the other couple???  why did all of that vanish so suddenly??People who had been in your life for so many years, your best friends were “not wanted” by you on your “special day”, when all they wanted was to feel a part of your special moment??Could you forget them so blatantly? It was not about the eats/drinks, it was about the feeling that you gave them of  "not being wanted"  on that special day…….and could somebody claiming to be your best friends have skipped this simple yet meaningful understanding of your feelings??? So then, was all the calling only when and because you found nobody else to spend time with????

And know what, until today, Anushka does not know why Sanaya had behaved in that strange way!! But, from that day on everything changed……..Now, Anushka never felt the same comfort in continuing as if nothing had happened……..Sanaya did try to cover up by inviting like old times etc etc, but now, it never felt the same way………for no rhyme or reason, Sanaya had behaved strangely, she had even invited somebody she said she was not so close to,  but,, not Anushka and family; hence, now,  any amount of sweet-talking, caring acts etc;  made no sense, whatsoever………..

Anushka decided to continue being friends but certainly never felt like before as something  which did not make any sense had happened to her from someone she thought were her closest friends, nay, “extended family”??........J….

Sanaya tried to make out as if nothing had happened by making humour out of the way Anushka and family had started behaving, calling them VIPs etc in the presence of other common friends because now they were NeverReady??……..…….she gossiped with her other friends about how Anushka’s family were stuck-up, hard, rigid beings having no sense of humour at all, but never for once thought that they could have been hurt with the insensitiveness she had displayed and therefore, when Sanaya now came up with dialogues like, “are friends only for eating and drinking together?” “should we not call up and let the other know we are ill, or need help or “ or something equally maudlin……all Anushka did was to just smile to herself!  Where was all this “bhaichara” when you did not even remember people you used to always hang around with, is what she thought!!!

For a while, Anushka was so upset that she had misjudged the relation by thinking of these people as her "best friends" ……she felt so disgusted at that she did not want to even associate, socialise or have anything to do at all! But subsequently, as time passed, she decided to try and continue as before, but yes, she had learnt something on that day, which, which she would remember for the rest of her life!! That something she called a “ life learning experience”

She had realized that ;

1)there is never a reason for how people will want to behave with you at different times and for reasons/conveniences best known to them;

2)that, they will expect you to forgive and forget anything and everything they do  unto you, quickly, as if it never happened and continue as you did in the past;

3)that it is wise to never expect anything , even from people you consider your “best friends”;

4)that people who you thought were your “best friends” may actually have other “best friends” and you may be only those that they call on when there is nobody else for them to spend time with;

4)that in whatever way  the so-called friend may call you or themselves in relation to you, it is always your siblings alone, that is you real family and you mean the World to them!!(they would never forget you inspite of anything and that there are no extended families!!People will help you, do you favours and later, put you under obligation by their strange behaviours!)

5)that, if your siblings were to do any such thing to you, you have a right to thrash it out with them and find out the true reasons for their strange behaviours without being judged, and without sudden change of hearts!!! But, you will never know how the others tick……..

So, try and be “real friends” to people who call you friends and be careful when you call somebody your “extended family” cos once you call them that you are under an obligation to remember and carry out the relation in that exact way!!

My very own poetry-book......2............Melancholy

Melancholy!

By Archana Sandeep Tambe

He has finally gone away, leaving me sad and distressed. 
Only to a Boarding School and not forever! 
my friends console me 
I nod my head, I truly understand y'know, I say to them 
But my heart, my soul, the unlimiting tears 
which keep pouring out 
Will not relent! 
For deep somewhere, they being my closest associates,like me - know
That until now, he-my darling son and me shared a very special bond! 
And although this bond shall never be 
broken, 
the thought of his going 'far away forever’
strikes a discordant note. 
And then what erupts within is but MELANCHOLY!

Straight from the heart.......1.........(Birthday, A celebration or competition??)

Just a couple of days ago, I celebrated my birthday......Nothing unusual there, a birthday does happen once a year and so came this one, but somehow this one has been one of the best ones I had!!

Things that I took for granted, once upon a time, like the presence, love  and enthusiasm  of all my near and dear ones, taking out times from their busy work schedules(all for me to have a happy day), had left me speechless with gratitude! My husband, Son, sisters, nephews and nieces worked so hard to make my day so very special.  The fun games, the acts/performances put up by my nieces and sonny boy, the choice of food and drinks, not to mention the desserts et all, towards the end of it all, I truly felt like a first-former enjoying her first big birthday party!! had so many bigger ones  in the past with much more than this but, somehow, this one , for me, was the BEST of them all......and I cant seem to thank them all enough..........

As a child, I remember waiting for this day, planning out so much in advance the dress to wear, the sweets to distribute in class, the small party for the class-fellows in the evening with songs, music, games, all done by us children... (cutting a cake etc was just never or only once in a way affair in our childhood)  Party snacks were mostly homemade, made by none other than dear mom and comprised of barely two or three items , but would be  relished by one and all!! Infact, they disappeared so quickly...... Return gifts were not mandatory and if at all, they were school stationary ie pencils , rulers, notebooks , erasers etc ie something which was useful and not just seen and thrown away.....

Today, I find so much competition , not only amongst children, but more so, their parents, to have the best parties for their school going kids....Each one is all set to outdo the others in the organising of such parties.......It is an Event by itself with Event Management Companies conducting the whole affair ...:)
what must be done by the kids (ie the use of their creativity to be involved in arranging activities and brighten the party) is all done by these companies. All the hosts do is to doll up both themselves and their kids and go about the party in a filmy way.... So much food is ordered and  wasted,  expensive gifts and return-gifts are exchanged, the children, instead of looking at the fun and games are busy checking out their return-gifts and chucking them away, while the dolled-up mommies are comparing/criticising them........... Inspite of all the pomp and grandeur in these parties, what is I see lacking is the child-like attitude and enthusiasm of ..... the children.........they dont seem to be  really enjoying as they must and this has led me to thinking about why so much materialsim cannot bring that naked joy that I had seen and felt with my friends as a child and  then it suddenly comes to me as a shocking enlightenment, shall I say.....

Perhaps, what is happening to day to all of us is what we may call the problem of "EXCESS".....Today, there is "too much" of everything .......and therefore there is no feeling of  joy in small little things......nothing is good enough as we all have too much to compare with!!! We are neither happy with what we give nor what we get.................so what can we hope for our children to be happy with??

I wish, we elders really give a serious thought to these happenings around us and start, once again to personally involve in these happenings to rekindle these smaller joys into our future....our"generation next" ....what say, friends???

My very own poetry-book......1........Mother!

MOTHER!!

By Archana Sandeep Tambe

Her eyes moist with joy and profound love 
As she sets the very first glance, 
At this small warm soft mass she holds in her hands 
Its her very own they tell her, 
She's very proud of her creation 
For she's now none other , than his MOTHER! 
So many times during those nine months 
She had dreamt of sweet faces, 
But the one they just put in her lap 
Well! not one of them came even closer. 
This bundle of joy with his peaceful countenance 
Would now be the one and only meaning to her existence 
Today he gives her the much divine respected 
prestigious "career" that nothing else ever gave her! 
Today she was not a mere 'CEO', only something much greater 
Today she was "HIS" MOTHER!

By Archana Sandeep Tambe