Sometime ago, I was visiting some of my
friends. One of the friend’s children a
boy and a girl, now grown ups, working
at their respective jobs were in a heated discussion. I have seen these kids grow and more out of the friendly
relation we share, I intervened to find out what their topic of this heated
discussion was. I wasn’t very surprised,
though, to learn about it. It was the most common situation seen with the young
working couples of today ie in a marriage, which of the two, must take on the
domestic chores since both were almost equally qualified, both worked fulltime
and both reached home, almost at the same time. And all this, when they are
still to begin on family!!!!
I have seen so many of these couples adjust with each other
in whatever ways they can, when they live alone ie as a nuclear family but when
they are subjected to adjustment in a joint family system, problems start
cropping up, as the “lady” in such situation is expected to take on all of the
domestic responsibilities, never mind, how much and how hard she works outside
of home. Of course, there are some girls who manage all of that and how, some
willingly too, while some others, maybe
a little grudgingly, and why not??
Everything in the environment is slowly and steadily
changing, so isn’t it time that we too change the age old customs with which a
boy and girl were brought up sometime ago? Yes, few of the elders in many such
joint families, today, have accepted this
fact and we therefore see that the older
women in many a home, do try and help
out their working daughters-in-law, in whichever way they can!! But still, a
major portion of our Society’s older generation are driven to believe that
whatever a lady may take up to endeavour outside of her home, the domestic
chores have been, are and should be, only and only her responsibility. “Sons
will be sons and men will be men” is what these people are bound to say. Now
whatever does that mean? Today, a girl spends an equal amount of time and
effort to acquire the degree that these “sons” and “men” do!!Therefore , she
too aspires to make it big in her chosen field of work, as much as the boy does. Therefore, she not only needs
but deserves to be helped out by her husband as well as others in her family,in all the domestic chores!
Having said this this in her favour, more so, because of need of change expected to be seen
in the behaviour of present day family system, does it mean it is alright
for her to deny all her domestic responsibilities and feign complete ignorance
about them? I know of some girls who
take pride in saying that they neither know to cook nor do other house
chores. “I am an Engineer or Doctor or 'some other professional', you know,” they
say (as if what they qualified to be is unique and the only thing required to
be done in this life(?)) and therefore I have never had the time to learn to cook or be
familiar with any household chores. In fact, I have never done any domestic
chores in my home before I was married!!" True that this could possibly have
been a very difficult time to manage “educating” oneself both ways, but,
sometime later, would it not be necessary
to be as competent and qualified in this 'career' as much as in a 'career' of their
choice?
Aren’t our very basic necessities food, clothing and shelter?
Yes, we do have restaurants, dabbas, dhabas etc to cater to our food
arrangements as a couple alone, but will this continue even after we begin our
family? Would we have our infants and todlers eat foodstuffs from the outside? Would these
“qualified” parents have enough time to learn about coping with these
“life learnings” with a growing family, when they did not seem to have enough time in all their
years of growing up?
So then, will the 'Parents' of these boys and girls insist on these “learnings” without pampering
their “professional education seeking wards” ?? Because, as I see, it is not
only the children but also the parents
who have a casual approach towards this attitude of their “work shirking”
children. Instead of downloading domestic tasks on their children from a very
young age, they protect their wards from even getting exposed to them. I know
of some people that find it weird that a child has to be taught to shop
for the daily vegetables and groceries. They feel that asking their child to do
a domestic task will put the child off from their studies. Both the girl and
the boy children are heavily pampered!!! I think we, as parents are equally
responsible for seeing that both our children are brought-up in the same way in
respect of everything, be it education or be it the domestic chores! We cannot
expect to take stands only when issues wrt the above crop up in their marriage.
Today, it is more important that the parents make their wards understand that
there is no difference between their boy-child or girl-child, that there are no
defined codes of domestic responsibilities, rather “sharing” them together
lovingly as one unit will go a long way in
creating a strong familial bond. It is not the “who” but the “how” that
will make happy homes.
Just as the “ working wife” will partner her husband in all
fiscal matters of making a home, the “working husband” too must do his bit in
sharing the domestic chores for the family, not to mention, the children coming
in later, must, also be moulded in to contribute their bit and gradually to
take on these “true and necessary life learnings”.
Having said all this for and about the “educated and both
working” class of the young, let us also not forget the fulltime housewife, the
woman having the “ultimate career” of them all!!!......That she does not work
outside of home , does not mean that she is any less occupied! Infact her duties are both timeless and
thankless!! She is on duty right from the moment she wakes up till the time she
can finally make it to bed and call it a day!! Please do not think that she
does not need you all to put in your bit to help her help you each day.
In the words of C.S.Lewis,
"“The homemaker has the
ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to
support the ultimate career. ”
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