Storytimes: Straight from the heart............5.................

Storytimes: Straight from the heart............5.................: We had a family get together a few days back. It was a gathering of Moms of almost three generations, should I say?? I love these gathering...

Storytimes: STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART.......6.......(Are we real...

Storytimes: STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART.......6.......(Are we real...: A couple of day ago, I saw this movie named Rush.....Most of you reading this one, already must have seen and read a thousand good review...

STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART.......6.......(Are we really be Masters of our "own will"?)

A couple of day ago, I saw this movie named Rush.....Most of you reading this one, already must have seen and read a thousand good reviews about this movie.  The passion, grit , determination and above all, “a strong will” makes this movie more than just “inspiring”, true,  but after I watched it, what I realised apart from all of this was what was it that most of our Country’s youth of today  and the future of tomorrow, our little men and women, lack!!!! And I find , it is nothing but the power to be the “masters” of their own will and be able to follow and live up to that!!

And all not because they dont have a "wiil", but  because of the a solid family-value based,  strong traditional culture following and an equally responsible social and political environment  which makes up for the Society we live in!!

Every child grows up with a dream of who he/she would like to be in the years to come. Professions coming only out of academics is not every person’s  dream, rather, barring a few,  in that young age one would like to be just anything , that does not  require a person to  have to dig in their  giant-sized, uninteresting  books, all the time........ Not to mention that most of us parents too wish we could let the child just take on their dream and live it.

But in reality, does this happen? How many common children we know who liked to be musicians, dancers, sports persons, artists , actors and so on so forth actually get there? At some point in the earlier stage of life, when we have seen/met them , we have see that passion oozing out of them, for that , which they aspire to be!!! Why then, after some time, is this all replaced by only academic degrees and jobs for most? And when I say this, I am not talking of those few children,  who have the strong  emotional, financial and every other support and backing,  from their immediate well-to-do family and/or friends  neither am I speaking of the child prodigees. I am talking of the "common  child" of a “common man” who works 24x7x365 and who has also every  “right” to his/her own dreams.

So then what really happens that the child has to be dragged back to thinking  not about “living a life” but “making a life” for themselves? My thoughts around it pushes me to draw the following conclusions:

1  1) In India, there is nothing as important as getting an academic degree because , getting a degree means you will surely get a “job” of sorts and that will ensure that you “make your life”, somehow!!! Doing anything different form this “set-code” means taking a very big risk. What if walking on the path of one's choice,  you fail in the eyes of the World, your peers and you  don’t earn enough to sustain for yourself and your family?  Of course, today, due to media exposure, reality shows etc , wherein they   show children participating and winning dance, acting, music, photography,  cookery etc  , both parents and the children are motivated to resort  to other options but the question of  whether this would finally result in carving  “livelihood”  remains like a hundred , nay, thousand dollar question!

2    2)In some rich orthodox families, even  if the child has both a passion and a flair and wants to give a try to his dream, will the traditional families allow them without threatening the child with dire consequences like   being thrown out of the family and family inheritance  or boycotted or some such equally ruthless act. Remember the Hindi classic ,"Parichay" days?
3    3) If  a child does decide to “act” as per their  will,  are the government and other bodies geared with enough equipment to support this dream vide monetary assistance to him/her if and when required at any stage? ie would, they ,at least, provide for the basic necessities for  survival of this child,  as and when required, right from the time he/she starts till the stage he/she settles down in the passion and makes the best of it? Would it provide some kind of reassurance to the parents that there is nothing to fear wrt the future of this child?

4   4)Can “emotional blackmail”to the child  be avoided by the family? In some families a child is not even allowed to join “Defence Services” leave alone, pursue another  line.
y The  point I am making here is , the West where the young (in their early teens  too) are the “masters” of  their own will , unafraid of  what the future will be and living by the day is because the socio-political environmental factors are so very conducive to their approach towards life. The family bonding too isvery different from  her, because it is commonplace for the children,  in the first place, to leave their homes very early and to take on the responsibility of their own life . On the other hand, In our country, we are molly-cuddling children even after they have attained adulthood and the children too thrive in it....They choose to be "adults" or then, "dependants"  as per convenience of which of these suits them best at a given point of time!!!

 Therefore, by and large, in our type of countries, such grit, motivation , determination and passion along with one’s own strong will is found  mostly of those that generally suffer from lack of basic amenities and necessities required to pursue a good education, are put in charge to take care of family at a very early age or lack of food , clothing and shelter or some equally horrendous reason!

I am not saying that a few from the well-to-do families too may not come up with something different  and spectacular, but, in most cases,  it is “one in a million situation”. No wonder then, that we suddenly see a student from the hutments topping in some board exams or doing something equally unexpected of him/her! As for the rest, we find they do exactly what is expected of them, ie the rich and funded class of children graduating from best technical or management  schools abroad, some others taking the age old professions of teaching, engineering, medicine etc etc, which they qualify for, after spending their best years of life with their heads in their books and the others digging into whatever they can lay their hands on, academically to “make a living”

Thus, while I agree, that the parents must “gift” our children their life to do what they they“will” to do and not live their life as per the “standard” norms, I must also stress on the point that, then there  is so much else in the environment  that  must simultaneously change to give every parent  that confidence , that whatever the child takes on, there will always be hundreds and thousands of “opportunities” for the child in that sphere, and at no point will the child feel despair or regrets about doing what they chose and set out to do. We, as parents, will always stand by our children in every walk of life, but we cant hold their hands till the end, can we? What  all parents want or ever wanted is the happiness of their children, not short-term but very long-term, ie until till life’s end,  and while nobody other than them would be happier to let the child have their own will. However,  given the present circumstances, they can only hope and pray for a  change of environment, conducive to suit the child’s “will” and hope to see and experience, all of that,  in their lifetime as well!!!

Straight from the heart............5.................. (Being Mom!!!!!)

We had a family get together a few days back. It was a gathering of Moms of almost three generations, should I say?? I love these gathering where the family catches up on so many happenings from old times (our childhood) vis-avis today. There are also discussions (sometimes even heated.........:)) on the “how’s” of the unforeseen future of their children. The do’s and dont’s that you grew up listening to then and learning to value even today, are once again hammered through you! But the learnings from such discussions have been useful tips to me in “parenting” a profession taken for granted, but, not even understood by many!!! Like I always say to myself, had I worked harder, been more capable of handling the Corporate politics better (which I personally loathe), probably done many refreshers and so on so forth, achieveing a better work status would have been a “not-so-difficult” task, but if I had failed as a Mom,(of course, I mean in my own eyes) I would not have been able to leave this planet in peace.....
So what is this success all about? Success, even in parenting, is different things to different people and therefore people may relate to it differently. In simple words what I mean is are we able to be a “fair” if not a “good” parent ie are we capable of saying ”yes” and “no” to children as and when we feel it is needed to be done for their own good or are we in “popularity contests” with our peers who may think that we are too strict with our children? Do we take cognizance of “their” counsel on how we must “behave” with our children? Is it not enough that since we know our own child from birth (and better in all ways than anybody from amongst them), we will do all to give him/her a good life?
To cite a few examples to share the point I am making...........
There was this little boy whose Mom gave him only Indian balanced diet in his lunch-box right from when he was a little boy. Now, there were some family/friends of his mother who “aww....ed” it, as if it were an issue. The lunch-boxes of their kids always carried junk foodstuff, and their Moms explained with pride(?) that their children did not eat “such stuff” as our little boy here did! Today we see them all grown up and the Moms moan about the children not eating anything healthy as they must!!! If we think about it deeply, are these children really to blame? Why did the Mothers not be a little more strict with the nutrition and dietary habits of these children??Was it to escape from the trouble “they” would have to go through to both make and feed the child that food or from the “nagging” of that child? Yes, It is a very time consuming and boring affair to some, as, every little child is different from the other in so many ways, he/she may be have to be told a story or may have to be actually spoon-fed as he/she ran around, I know , but is it not worth it? Especially since “taste” for anything develops at a very young age? You, the parent may not be the “creator” but you certainly are the person that has the then required influence to “mould” that creation? Health aspects, which come up in life , ages later, are already there today with so many young people .We blame it all on the stress factor alone , but truly that is not all!
Food habit inculcation, alone, is only one aspect of “Being Mom!” There are many others , “material possessions” too, being one of them!!! Peers again.................The second and most important aspect is how you jell with your child ........In other words , are you and your child comfortable with each other in respect of all aspects viz social, environmental and most importantly personal? Are you, as a parent, vigilant enough to notice your child moving away, behaving in strange ways, being lonely or unsocial at home, not “responding” to you or anybody at home, in the way he/she must? Do you actually “go away” when asked to, by a teenager, who wants time alone, like in the West? Will you not go to him/her at such times and get out that , which bothers their little mind because they are “unaware” of their own feelings/reactions and to that so much happening around them?I hear most Moms tell me, “but you know what, the child is not comfortable to do that” and I ask myself, what, why do you even address him as a “child” then? As a parent, I think it is my duty to pursue my child’s happiness and I must go all the way to break into that wall..........I know a couple of Mothers, who go around counselling the whole World but are oblivious of what is happening to their own child! How, I ask myself, can one counsel all others, when one is not even aware of what his/her own child is going through? When we take such trouble to counsel others about their children and so on and so forth, how then, do we miss on that one that means so much to us? Are we blind or do we deliberately ignore that which is easily seen by all others? I know a child is always prepared to easily listen to another person than his own Mom/Dad but that does not happen suddenly! And if it has, it means , somewhere along the way, you missed on being “that friend, philosopher and guide” to your child or have been caught with your own personal agenda too much?? Then there are some others who love to socialise or go roaming around so much that their own commitments towards their own children becomes an “agenda” for them. They are so taken in by the appreciation of the “”World at large” that their “own small World” gets out of hand and I hear things like, “we have so much to do that there is no time for anything at home”. Such people confuse the most important agenda of their life, their child, I guess!!
There are many more aspects which can be looked on at a later day but I will say so much that maybe our Moms and GrandMoms did not make great career women in the eyes of this World but a career that even our generation is not capable of, “PARENTING” was something they did fantafabulously and while I am overwhelmed everytime I think of it, I feel like asking them, “Hey where are your Parenting Workshops please? I want to join and excel still, yet!!” They not only preached but practised all of that for their children to see, disciplinarians that they were!! KUDOS to you gurlz on your super career achievement “Being MOMS!”
And so I conclude In Ron Taffel’s words and Roy L Smith’s words which spell;
“Even as kids reach adolescence, they need more than ever for us to watch over them. Adolescence is not about letting go. It’s about hanging on during a bumpy ride” and that
“We are apt to forget that children watch examples better than they listen to preaching”

Straight from the heart......4 ............(Trekking too much...the how come?????)....

A recent question that I thought worth answering (by sharing here) to all those that asked about how we manage time/effort/money to trek so much and so often. We have always wanted to do so, but what you see today and and getting there in our circumstances, ha really taken that much time to get there and how..........

Sports in my school days meant only the physical education activities conducted by the School teachers or the then available indoor or outdoor games in the halls/grounds of such educational institutions or some sport gymkhanas. Badminton, Table-tennis, carrom, cricket, Athletics, football, hockey, base-ball, throw-ball and similar ones, being the most popular games to play, then! During those times the likes of today’s famous gym franchisees like “Talwalkars”, “Gold gym” “Solaris” “Endurance”, not to mention a hundred others strewn across all cities today, were never thought, seen or heard of!! So in my school times “adventure sports” , trekking, mountaineering etc were almost ruled out.............Of course , College gave us the chance to participate in NCC, which gave us an interface to airgliding, para-jumping etc, but in a limited capacity!!

Sure, trekking did exist to an extent, but going out to faraway destinations with strange people was ruled out by parents (more due to their peers than anything else!!!!). I remember my mother being in awe of her superiors in the family and was always careful of not offending anybody!! So that anybody pointing an accusing finger at her for going against the “said and set” way of life of children, was nothing she would have tolerated. So whatever trails/treks were arranged by and from Schools is all we were allowed to go to..........

I was both a voracious reader and a dedicated sportswoman at that time......Actually enjoyed reading about anything and everything that I could lay my hands on........though, it had to depend on book libraries and not search engines or Amazon.com..... So also, was with sport that was easily possible and affordable!! All in all, we did easily “do-able” things.

One got to read a lot of books /articles on geography and hence dreamt of places one wished to travel......But yes, these could only be dreams then, as travel was an expensive as well as a complicated affair, especially if you meant long distance travelling. So in those days, we made the best with whatever was available and inspite of it all, was very happy to be doing that much.

Time flew fast and I was now married.............

Marriage brings with it a lot of responsibilities. In the beginning, between the day to day juggling of home, work-life and family-life, not to mention other innumerable other commitments/responsibilities of a then joint-family, sport and travel took a backseat!! We worked our way through life and with the salaries of those times (some 22 odd years ago), managed to save just enough for any unforeseen contingencies apart from running a home and family with its forest of relatives and friends.... Anything extra for a long-distance lavish travel was not affordable...... Still, being a hard-core sports enthusiast, I used to reserve an hour of my day for an aerobic activity, which I love, even today!!!We also did some weekend spend in the places near to Pune such as Panchgani/Mahabaleshwar, nearby kokan spots, day outings etc!!

Slowly the days went by and the responsibilities grew bigger(if not larger). We are a very big family and therefore a lot was expected in terms of celebrations and giveaways at the innumerable family functions , not to mention the monies to be kept aside for expenses that were to be assumed for my son, his education and other extra-curricular! Saving up for making a home on our own(which is I assume is every person’s dream) too, with no monetary help from anyone, also took a chunk of the money earned!!!

So by such time, we, as a couple, thought , we were ready to do our thing, in terms of affordability angle, work commitments had taken their toll and so planning beyond tomorrow was always out of the question.......Also work circumstances were such that my husband had to not only travel but also stay in another town for a couple of years......Thus rolled life and so in the time when we had loads of our other friends and relatives travelling, trekking etc, we both were struggling to make our time/effort and money ends meet.....

Then, I always dreamt of doing so many things. Sometimes, I even felt that I may never have the time left to do the things I want to do, but nothing is permanent and that phase of life ended too!

Suddenly my son was a grown-up , working individual and I decided to call off “working for money” way of life!! Money, how much ever earned, is always less, needed and welcome but for me , now, my life priorities have changed. Now, its mostly about my time for me, ie. the time has come for me to take life one day at a time!!! 

Finally I am there and for the last couple of years, I have been doing what I always dreamt of doing.................working on and off, trekking, travelling, just lazing, reading , writing, counselling the young, doing workshops I like.....the list continues and I hope for this time to last for a long stretch!!

So people, there u go.......................

Reaching here has not been really easy and therefore I value this newfound free time very much!! 

I know that some of the people would say that just because I could manage it, it may not be possible for all. The reasons for saying this may be not only both the ‘health’ as well as the ‘monetary’ aspects, but some other binding responsibility of an elder or a young person, either dur to old age or because of their being physically/mentally challenged , demanding a 24 x 7 x 365 days attention span...........But I don’t think this would be true of all my fellow-readers here, and if one concentrates more on keeping good health by giving oneself some time to do any kind of physical activity of one’s choice(and it need not be something you have to pay for); such as an hour of walk and/or some bending-stretching excercise at home, you will all be able to do much more than I could ever dream of!!!

For those of you who are not bound by circumstances beyond your control, I would say, It is neither the time or money that takes what you feel upto; (cos travel can be arranged within those constraints) but, It is merely your strong and determined will combined with your good health which will take you a long way and help you undertake all that you wish for and much more!!

So to all of you there.............”Happy trekking!”....cheers....

FB 5 : Straight from the heart ......3.........(.Friends n friendships, real or virtual??)

Just a few days ago, a young friend of mine asked me to write about how much people were getting addicted to "virtual friendships" then "real and personal" ones .........She seemed so concerned about losing out on the personal friendship touch, that our generation (her mom n dad's, the present day late forties or fiftties generation) seem to have had!!

Indeed, I thought....every word she expressed was so very true and unfortunately, we, the older generation too, are slowly and surely getting there, aren't we?

I remember the times when there were no mobile phones, no Internet , no Google, no, nothing at all........Reaching out to friends meant meeting and spending time with them personally(not virtually ), either for some sport in parks/gardens or rehearsing a dance/play, playing some indoor games or if nothing, just talking about anything and everything which made/dint make sense in those wonderful times..........catching up with each other was the main point of interest.........oh, those lovely lazy days with those lovely people, our dear friends!!  We did meet at School, but,  that meeting was not enough......we had to meet at each others places or in the park or playgrounds or just anywhere, but meeting each other, was a must...........and given a thought, maybe, it was really because there was no other way to connect..........meeting your best friend  after two whole days of holiday(week-end)  was unheard of! In case it was a "no, not today" from parents, we made excuses of borrowing/lending study books(and this excuse , generally, worked at all times) and went over to friends to just spend some time with them!!! Those lovely days together, talking for hours in the street, or the park, laughing endlessly about nothing, just running along to be with your friends when they needed you the most, sometimes , group-studying or helping a friend in her studies, getting to know her circle of family and near ones and connecting with them too, as your own, going to each other's places for all festivals, get togethers and any other occasions, so many many things shared or just "being there" for them..........oh, even as I pen down, I know I am still only able to do only a little on paper than what I have actually experienced with my friends of young times!!!!
But wait, cos all of that was with PERSONAL MEETINGS , not virtual or through social networks............:)
Those memories will , however, remain with me, for a lifetime.....

The  young ones of today do catch up on each other on an everyday basis but how!!!!!!!

One young school boy , I overheard, telling his friend when asked, "arey where were u yesterday?, I called you but you did not reply" to which the boy answered"dint you see my facebook status?I said I was not available for the next two days as I am going out of town!!" .........FB status? now what was that? A young school going boy will inform his friend who shares his school desk everyday, that he is going out of town, via FB?? What is it all coming to? The other day I met another young boy , who , when asked, if he played any sport, answered, yes, I am the expert in play-station/video games...........Most kids spend hours on FB/other social networking sites, when all they should be doing as students, is fulfilling their academic obligations or dedicating themselves to physical sports, music, spending quality time with friends for common interesting activities........what really concerns me is also the HEALTH aspect of these individuals......when they should be out playing vigourously for building up their physical stamina or strength, they are busy idling away on FB/other social networking sites doing nothing of value for their ownselves!!!From my very own experience I have realised that the stamina building actvity needs to be started from very young ages.......yes, we can attain all of that later too, but with a hell of a lot of effort , both physical as well as monetary, which is so much easy when done young!!! and , of course, the  factual realisation that  the emotional fulfilment and joy that comes out of personally meeting and spending time with friends, which  can never be substituted any any vitual friends on social networking sites and therefore may only be a waste of  one's valuable time!!

I sincerely appeal to all my College-going/working young friends on FB to please arrange your time schedules to meet with your dear friends personally, if only for sometime........The meetings need not be heavy lunches or dinners or expensive affairs, they can just be for sharing even some small silly happenings over a coffee, to involve in some sport or interesting activity or to just exchange a polite "hello"......For the School-going ones, I suggest you take out time for each other for just about anything..........

I want to feel like old times once again,  with housing societies/streets/playgounds/parks  sounding off with noisy, playful children;  children here, children there and children  everywhere !! and for you the mid-younger ones to make and have true friends and not end up like the joke I am concluding this with...........

A man dies............His funeral is arranged by a family member. It so happens that  the turn-out  is only about ten odd  heads................An onlooking outsider asks a senior family member of the deceased, "why have you arranged for a thousand chairs, when the turnout is so poor?" ..........."Because, answers the family member, he had two-thousand facebook friends......"........:):)

Straight from the heart .....2.........(Family time)

Recently, we planned a family weekend visit to Matheran...........my family meaning hubby and my only son, who is now a grown-up working man!! I was very excited as we had not done this for  a very  long time......prep for the trip were on in full swing........Sid, my son, who soemtimes works even week-ends these days, was especially asked to inform his office that he would be taking an off  this once, also the same was asked of my husband....Thus, we were ready, all set to travel.

Incidentally, just a couple of days before that we were visiting our friends. In the conversation, this week-end travel topic came up and  my hubby's friend just came up with this question, "what, Sid still travels on vacation with you both?'....he probably meant to ask,  how come Sid accepted going out for a vacation with his parents and not friends or something like that and that's where the idea of sharing "the why" with all of you came to me......

Life, to a large extent takes the course of associations with the past, both pleasant as well as unpleasant.........mostly, the pleasant memories are cherished, replayed by the mind and we wish that we can sometimes do those things, all over again..........I guess , in our case, weekend outings, as family,  are one of them!!!

In our childhood, as far as I remember, family outings were very rare occasions and usually meant going out with family only  for weddings , funerals, thread -ceremonies, other religious festivities and rarely for mere relaxation or sight-seeing or any other enjoyment...........infact, the only such outings during those times were were school picnics/excursions or going out of town for sports/dance/drama inter-school/college competitions and usually accompanied by the team colleagues and managers......there was hardly any time for sightseeing etc..... an outing for just visiting a place to actually see it was "once in a way" kind of an event.

And then, we were always in awe of our parents even during a trip, always mindful of our Ps and Qs, could never behave with the freedom or the closeness of a friend , that, my son shares with me, today!!

So when Sid was hardly 2 years old, we three began our family trips to Panchgani, Mulshi, kashid, murud-janjira, or wherever, to all those nearby places  we could then afford   in terms of our time and money.........Twice in a year, it was GOA (and Sid still makes it to Goa with us every year!!!!) I loved these trips as they gave us all so much time to spend with each other, thrash out stuff,  laugh out together as much as we could, enjoy sport together, thus building our sweet memories for a lifetime.......Never realise how time flew by, but , in this process, we as family have bound in such a way, that, even today, a grown-up son loves to do this vacation with us........Not that he does not go out with his friends, rather, I would say, he is out for 12 hours of everyday with his colleagues/music buddies/ old school and college friends , but he has never denied us our special time together........

Looking back, I now think, that probably, if we as children had done this often with parents too, I would have probably been looking forward to doing these small outings with them, all the time, even as an adult!!!

Yes, we did speak to parents about everything , they were are guides in the true sense, but today, we not only play that role but also the role of "best buddies" with our children..............Today, my son confides more in me than I ever did with either parent and that too with so much ease!!! For me, to confide with this much freeness never ever came easy.....

Such is the "change" in time and lifestyle and so I guess,  our children , however grown-up they be or whatever they otherwise do, they would ALWAYS love to do that small vacation with their parents , their one-time and everytime "best buddies".......I have said it all now, haven't I??..........:)